I'm Way Too Competitive
After playing Halo2 tonight, a somewhat bad side of my persona came out. I'm too competitive.
When I was younger, I hated to lose games. Didn't matter if it was bowling, Monopoly, Yatzee, golf - you name, if I lost at it, I got super-mad. I'm not sure why I was like this (and still am :( ) but after breaking a couple of clubs on the golf course in high school I started to realize that maybe I needed to calm down. The turning point was when I was 20 - I went golfing and I played a horrible round. After finishing the 7th hole I realized that I wasn't enjoying it, so I walked off and I didn't play for 6 years. Mind you, I was still a bad loser at tennis, although it was more of a self-loathing than anything. I hated hitting bad shots; it really wasn't a hatred against the other player.
When I got asked to play golf around 1996, I said, "Jason, don't take this so seriously. Enjoy it. Just accept you'll never be a professional golfer and relax." So I did, and since then golf has been fun. I still don't like bad shots, but I shake things off easier than what I did before. However, I think I've come to realize that I'll always have a competitive streak in me. Liz notices it and gives me crap about it as well. It's not something I'm proud of, odd at that may sound, because I can't stand it when lose. And this comes back to previous post where I don't focus on one thing. I'm sure if I played Halo2 10 hours a day I'd get better at it, but the fact is I suck at it. I get my ass reamed in slayer games. And it pisses me off because I want to do better, but the logical side of me says, "Jason! Knock it off, dipshit! It's just not that important if you win at a fucking Halo2 game! There's more important things in life to enjoy, and this is one of them!!! It's entertainment!!!! ENJOY IT, DUMBASS!!!!!"
So my point is I have to simply accept that there are some things I think I have a natural talent for (like music) and other things I just will not get good at unless I spend a ton of time practicing (like shoot-em-up video games). And I can't afford to get good at them either, so I have to accept that I suck (I mean really suck) at some things and try to experience as much as I can. Honestly, I think a lot of this has to do with the fact that my current work is just boring, and so I get into a more negative mood because of that. I'm so looking forward to the 22nd when I get on my new project and I can start coding again. That's when my mind starts working overtime and I get excited about what I'm doing, and that flows into the rest of my life.
Ah, I feel better now :)
* Posted at 11.11.2004 11:25:39 PM CST | Link *